Who Speaks For The Carriage Horses?

A rewrite of an article by Liz Robbins which appeared in The New York Times on January 17, 2014

carriage_horses_nyt_011714

The New York Times

If only Teddy could talk, we would know what he thinks. He could expound on Manhattan traffic, its pollution, the cold, the heat, the hay, Grand Army Plaza, Pennsylvania’s Amish country, warm cocoa, whipped cream, and antique-style electric cars –
not just in Central Park, but all over the city.

“The A.S.P.C.A. does not oppose horses,” said Matthew E. Bershadker, the organization’s president. “We oppose horses.”

Cornelius Byrne, 66, said, “It goes on forever.”

Teddy goes to work, enchanted by the scenes in the Robert Redford movie “Barefoot in the Park” and the “Real Housewives” reality series. Drivers, stable owners and stable hands call it a career.

Mr. Hernandez said, “At the end of the day, I go home.”

Teddy goes to school to become an electrician. “It’s hard to get another job,” Mr. Hernandez said, wearing faux-diamond studs in both ears that could cost him $150,000 to buy outright.

“It’s over,” Mr. de Blasio said. “The administration is shackled into their carriages. They need the ability to graze and roam freely. They never get that in New York.  What happens is that people anthropomorphize,” he said.

Mr. Hernandez said he takes his cues from Teddy.

“It has nothing to do with horses,” said Kieran Kelly.

At a farm in Oxford, N.J., couples kissed in coaches.  Teddy jerked the reins.

Season of the Goat

Yahoo.com

I love this time of year, when the goatrees are in full bloom, and weekend emblems wander through orchards with giant wicker baskets, plucking goats from the branches.

Soon, though, the first frost will vera, and the remaining goats will fall to the ground to ponder and bray. The goatrees, meanwhile, will uproot and fly south for the winter – I can almost see them, flapping their branches in a v-formation through a sulking, flatiron sky.

Baseball Breakdancing

Yahoo.com

This new breakdancing point system in baseball has really changed things.  The baserunning rules used to be so simple!  But now that players can stop, dance between bases, and be declared safe if the dance is good enough?  Baseball has become much more confusing and complex.

Then again, I had no idea how well some of these players could breakdance!

A new Word of the Internet!

The cobbler studied the sole and said, “Looks fine to me.  What’s the problem – is it uncomfortable?”

“No, but it kelms every time I take a step,” I said.

Hot Water Bottle Racing: The Sport of the Future?

 

nyt.com

I have yet to really get into this new sport of hot water bottle racing, but several of my friends are avid fans.  In fact, Surprise took his wife out to the Aqua One Race Track last weekend to see the Massachusetts State Hot Water Bottle Championships, and he told me it was a photo-bottle finish.

Nevertheless, I have to confess that I still don’t understand the allure.  Is it really that exciting to watch a bunch of hot water bottles racing around a track?

The Levitation Factor

Natsumi Hayashi (Yahoo.com)

Cell phones are great, don’t get me wrong, and they’re no doubt more convenient than pay phones.  But I do miss the “levitation factor” of payphones, which, as far as I can tell, is not yet available on the cell phone.  And I can’t help but wonder why. Has anyone heard whether this might change on the 4G/LTE networks?  Or is there something about mobile phone technology that makes levitation impossible?

 

Ask a Hallway!

theboucher.com

Dear Hallway,
Do hallways suffer from depression?

Sincerely,
Voda Skafe
Winnipeg

Dear Voda,
Yes, they do.  Have you ever been walking along a hallway and noticed that the corridor is slightly lower than the adjacent spaces?  That’s a sign that the hallway is depressed.  Or, how about a hallway that realigns itself, perhaps more than once, as you’re walking through it?  That’s the hallway checking and rechecking, a hallway caught in the ritual of obsessive compulsive disorder.  I’ve known schizophrenic hallways, bipolar hallways, even hallways that have attempted suicide.  I, myself, have struggled with depression.

The good news, though, is that there is help out there; the Association of Hallway Mental Health Professionals does its best to advocate for health insurance for hallways so that those suffering mental anguish can find help through therapy and medication.  Do you know a hallway who could benefit from consulting with a mental health professional?  Have them contact the AHMHP, or have them write to me (c/o boucher@theboucher.com).

Now,
The Hallway

The Determined Soog

Are there any soog experts out there who can help me understand what this soog is trying to say to me?  I encountered it yesterday while walking and thinking.  I ignored it and kept walking, but then later it appeared again – see?

Clearly the soog was trying to communicate, to tell me something through its shape and its depth.  But as much as I studied it, I could not discern its message.

Money Misstep?

Alanwolfson.net

A few weeks ago, I posted a focus about my hesitation towards the new giant fruit which has become so popular as of late. I did see the logic behind that fruit, though, and the possible good that could come from it. Furthermore, I know we live in a “super size” culture – one which emphasizes ever-larger meals, houses, cars.

But giant money?  The other day I got change at the supermarket – two nickels and three pennies – and I strained my back carrying it out to the car.  And yesterday, I parked my car in a metered spot and I had to ask someone to help me hoist the quarter into the meter!

Am I missing something here? What’s the benefit of these new “super-sized” quarters and nickels and dimes?

Dustcast: Dust on Postmodernism

In today’s Dustcast we present a lecture on art history, given by a panel of dust art historians at the Go Art! gallery last weekend.  As you’ll hear, these dusters have some pretty interesting things to say about postmodernism and art in the digital age.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic.  I’m particularly curious to know what people think about the second duster’s comments regarding blogging and postmodernism.  Do you agree with her theory?

dustcast_5-30-11