arp: An arp is a pedestrian epiphany. One wouldn’t use the word to describe a spiritual realization, but a sudden awareness about something minor, like a meal or an article of clothing: All day long I’d been hearing this quiet muttering, but I couldn’t make out what the irwin voice was saying or where it was coming from.
Then, suddenly, I had an arp. I took off my shoe and held it to my ear. Yes! The voice I’d heard was only my shoelace, saying its daily prayer.
cod foam: cod foam describes the phenomenon whence a school of cod (the word “cod” can be used to describe any type of fish) attacks something or someone on the shore. As the cod leap out of the water and run onto the sand, the water takes on a foamy effect.
elaborate: An elaborate is a small potato.
kelm: A kelm is a shoe with a squeaky sole. The word can also be used as a verb.
The cobbler held out his hands and I put the shoe in them. He studied the sole and said, “Looks fine to me. What’s the problem – is it uncomfortable?”
“No, but it kelms every time I take a step,” I said.
“Ah,” he said. “That’s annoying.”
“It is,” I agreed.
“Luckily,” he said, “I know exactly how to unkelm it.”
And he did. That shoe never kelmed again.
loom: A loom is another word for a paved bicycle path. In order for that path to qualify as a loom, though, it must appear on state bicycle maps. You might also know the word gloom, which is an unpaved bike path.
lexington: The word lexington describes a martial arts maneuver executed by throwing a closed-fist punch while emitting short, high yelps. The yelps begin before the punch, and they are said to distract the opponent so as to increase the effect of the punch. There are references to lexingtoning even in samurai times; samurai were said to disarm an opponent of their weapon, take off their mask and then lexington them in the nose, causing confusion and great pain.
melvin: A melvin is a small turtle seen in Massachusetts (In Connecticut they call it something different.). I saw a peaceful melvin while jogging on the loom yesterday.
mubellen: This word describes a weary hesitance. I wanted to believe him, but after all we’d been through I was just too mubellen. So I said, “No.”
“No?”
“No,” I repeated.
“Wanda, please,” Larry said to me. “I already have the tickets. And I’ve never been to Perth!”
“Well, you’ll have to find someone else to go with you,” I told him. “I’m too mubellen.”
“Please don’t say that,” he said. “It breaks my heart to hear you say you’re mubellen.”
“But I am,” I said, and then I stood up, put some money on the table, and walked out of the restaurant.
plox: A plox is a type of dance which involves squatting, spinning and spitting over your right shoulder. It’s very popular in French Canadian culture.
subscription:A subscription is a slow walk. I subscriptioned to the pharmacy so I could pick up my medication.
trombly: A blond, shouting wig. Tromblies are very expensive, mostly owing to the high cost of attitude. If you go into any good wig store, though, you’ll see a display case full of tromblies in the corner, and the wigs will probably be shouting. When I was a kid my parents had a friend who wore a trombly. The man was a member of our religious community. He was always smiling during the service, but his wig was often shouting: “It’s too COLD! It’s freezing in here!”
Once I asked, “Why is Mr. Adams shouting?”
“He’s not,” said my grandfather. “That’s his trombly.”
vant: A vant is a type of meat. Unlike other types of meat, it does not derive from an animal. It grows, as-is, in Midwestern soil. It’s not so great on its own, or in sandwich-form, but it’s very good in raviolis and salads.
